Todd's "10 Reasons Why Dogs are Better than Cats"

That's Right folks, back by popular demand is our guest blahgger Todd, a 43-year-old father of two who recently got through a messy divorce.  Wait, is this your first time here, Todd?

Yes. 

Alrighty, then you're technically not "back." So what's the "popular demand" about?

There is no "popular demand." You made that up because you're crazy. No one actually reads your blog. 

Jesus, Todd. I know you're going through a rough patch, but you don't have to be such a dick.

Whatever. Can I just get this over with?

Wow. Um, take it away.

10 Reasons Why Dogs are Better than Cats

 

By:  Todd, a disgruntled ex-husband

#10. Dogs play fetch. Cats play with their hair vomit.

#9. Dogs can do things like open up the refrigerator and retrieve an ice-cold beer when asked nicely, a class that you obviously missed.

#8. Cats shit on kitty litter in a box. Dogs shit on the grass outside. You shit on my heart.

#7. I agree, dogs will chase any tail that comes their way, but they’re dogs, Linda! They’re not in a committed relationship with their husband of 14 years!

#6. Dogs, DOGS, Linda, bark at the mailman. They growl at the mailman. Hell, they even chase the mailman. They don’t fuck the mailman! 

#5. Is this because he’s taller than me? Or because he doesn’t use hair-thickening spray? Or is it because I’d always do “the penis helicopter” to you every time I took a shower? PLEASE tell me it’s the penis helicopter. That would just be perfect.

#4. And Jesus Christ! Did you have to fuck a guy named Tad?! His name is nearly identical to mine. Hearing this from the guys in the office never gets old: “Hey Tad, what was the name of the guy your wife screwed while you were out of town? No, I said Todd. Why would I say Tad? Wait, his name is Tad? Haha! Shit dude, chill out. I was only joking.” AHAHAa,hap;iom,uq3;elfju9wx!!#QREF@#W$ESD

#3. Even if a dog knew how to use a cell phone, it sure as hell wouldn’t use it to send photos of its vagina to Tad. Although he’d probably find that hot. That sick fuck.

#2. Seriously! And I saw that you’re actually shaving down there for him. Oh, how sweet of you. Uhjkp[gdsadd01oiweroiwefviuoij qnweifqkdvoszv nzxcv oiafnvkasjf v3i434 gfk3j rvkadjf k kq3orefjcas dmXvxlas;dxfnkc X<Zfq.kaj wekflndk#######################

And #1. You know what? Go fuck yourself.

Runner up reasons:

#11. Slut.

#12. Dogs don’t know what a “porn addiction” is and THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE ONE!

#13. Thinks he’s pretty clever, does he? Using one of my golf clubs on you? The 3 "Wood"? I never loved you.

Did you enjoy this blahg post? If you did, pass it along to a friend or 1 million. I'm selling I.P. addresses on the black market. Not true, but I would like to get the word out about my blahg :).