Copy and pasted from www.rockymountainnews.com/restaurants/bistroofbeast
Dining Out: Bring your ravenous appetite, The Bistro of Beast will tame it
By Chet Willis
Rocky Mountain News
Denver’s newest delishitessen has been slaying the competition. The Bistro of Beast, located a few blocks from Coors Field
on the corner of Broadway and Larimer, has been enjoying waves of popularity since opening in December. Its secret? We don’t know, and we're not
alone.
“I’m as shocked as anyone,” Brad, the owner, told the Rocky after a
lunch rush last Thursday. “I basically put the menu together a couple days
before we opened and about once a week—if I remember—I come up with new dishes,
depending on what I have in my cupboards.”
Brad’s blasé attitude may just be the driving force behind
why over three hundred people visit the Beast everyday, some waiting up to an hour to plop down in a beanbag.
“I’ve been coming here since late December,” said Pete
Jenkins, who eats lunch and dinner at the Beast. “It’s always packed, but well worth the wait.” His favorite dish is the
Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Corn Chips sandwich, which is served with a bowl of
Cheerios.
Tasha, Pete’s wife, chimes in: “The service is crap, the food’s
terrible and lacks variety, but we love it.” Her favorite dish is the Peanut
Butter, Jelly and Cheerios sandwich, also served with a bowl of Cheerios.
Brad says his strategy “isn’t brain science”: he keeps the
dishes simple and relies heavily on inexpensive ingredients.
“A lot of places use a ton of stuff for their dishes,
sometimes more than 10 ingredients." He pauses to thank a group of business
women for coming in. “Can you believe that? Ten! That’s f------ bonkers.”
His dishes are so simple that new customers often wonder why
they even bothered eating out.
“At first glance of the menu,” wrote Sandi R. on the
Beast’s Yelp.com page, “I was like, ‘Plate of Shredded Cheese?’ But my friends
said it was amazing. And they were right. Best plate of cheese I’ve ever
had.”
Certain dishes even include eating directions. “Bell Pepper Town,” for instance, isn't served with silverware because the raw green peppers are "to be eaten like apples.”
The Beast’s head chef, Louie Vitella, has a theory on why
Brad has struck a note with Denver’s foodies. Vitella, who came to America from
Italy in the 80s to work for a five-star in New York, is a veteran chef with
almost 50 years under his large belt. “Brad is very passionate about his dishes,”
said Louie with an accent as thick as the pasta he grew up on. “I mean, one
minute he’ll be going on about metaphysics and robots, and then suddenly he'll break off mid-sentence
and you can’t hear yourself think over the sound of crunching
Popchips.”
And that passion seems to be paying off. Not only is The Bistro of Beast destroying sales records, it has even won over the President of Colorado. Tomorrow Governor
Hickenlooper—a former restaurant owner himself—will be awarding Brad and his staff of seven the
coveted, “Best Business in Colorado.” The Governor's office did not reply as to why the yearly honor, usually awarded in December, is being given away in February.
"Oh, yeah," Brad said when we asked him about it. "That is tomorrow."
But like Brad's memory, not everything has run smoothly since the Beast’s self-titled “Mediocre Opening.”
“We’ve had a few hiccups,” he admits. “Sometimes Louie’ll
finish an order and something’ll come over me and I'll black out. When I come to, I'm tied up in the freezer and my face is covered in Nutella."
Louie
shakes his head. “I used to have to tie him up in there four or five times a
week. But I can’t even do that anymore because then the popsicles disappear and do you know how expensive licorice rope is?"
The Bistro of Beast
Nearly-bare-pantry food with a redundant twist
2415 Larimer St. 303-555-5555 website to come (when he gets around to it)
**** I'm in love!
Atmosphere: cozy space with random clothes strewn about
Service: friendly, knowledgable, inconsistent
Beverages: Rice milk, water, Orange Juice (occasionally)
Plates: Starters, $0.79-$1.60; salads, ha!; "entrees", $2.20-$5.78
Hours: Monday-Friday, Lunch: 11a.m.-2p.m., Snack: 3:07-3:52p.m., "Dinner": 5-10p.m., Late-
Night Snack: 11:37-11:38p.m. Saturday and Sunday hours are sporadic. Brad recommends calling to make sure they're serving other people.
Night Snack: 11:37-11:38p.m. Saturday and Sunday hours are sporadic. Brad recommends calling to make sure they're serving other people.
Details: street parking, visited twice
Our system of the stars:
****: I'm in love!
***: Does Planned Parenthood offer food baby abortions? Cuz I want more.
**: Are you gonna finish that?
