The Blah Blah Blahg: Concerning That Fresh Advert, Fake Craigslist Post #3

This is the third installment of Fake Craigslist Posts, a worthless endeavor of mine that is wrought with the pathetic and wreaks of amusement. As you may remember, my first installment starred a man attempting to break through gender stereotypes on a quest to become a sans-children-stay-at-home husband. A bike-themed part two paired an incredibly vague woman looking for an unspecific man and a careless driver asking for an apology from the hipster biker he almost ran over.

For round three we're getting dirty, sloshing through the gutter of the Craiglist personals section: Casual Encounters. It's a nook of CL where anyone looking for a random hook-up can float themselves or a fantasy out into the great blew. Whenever a woman complains to me about how difficult it is to get laid, and yes this actually happens, I show her the Male For Female (m4f) section of Casual Encounters. When I wrote this, headings like "looking for a gang bang girl," "watch me fuck my own ass," and the ever so innocent, "Can I cum on you?" were begging for a click.

And there are a lot of postings. I inserted mine at around 5pm and when I tried to get it up for my roommates at around 9pm it had been pushed to page four by almost 350 other postings.

Like I did in the other entires, I'll serve you my ad and follow it up with all the responses I received. I don't reply to the "ladies" who decide to take a chance because they're not ladies. They are spammers trolling for emails, photographs, and other personal information they can sell or use to bait other victims with. Through my step by step breakdown, I'll reveal how you too can spot a fake!

My first brain child breached the idea canal a couple of weeks ago as I recalled something a former friend had told me. He had just ended a relationship with a woman after he pressured her into having sex and, not surprisingly, she just didn't seem that into it. "Starfish" is the term he had used to describe her. Apparently there are men out there who just want to sleep with as many women as possible no matter the emotional damage they leave in their wake. Classy guys.

Even classier:

Alright. I admit. Not my best work, but then I threw in this photo:

Really ties the ad together, doesn't it?

How to Spot a Fake Craigslist Response

By: Me, silly!

1. They are clearly in the wrong section.

Francisco was always known as a fast mover.

By 4 weeks he was crawling.

At age 2 he was reciting Shakespeare.

And by 22 he was on Craigslist trying to give

his phone number to men in the m4w section.

Jimmie, leave off the "For fuck sake Saw"

and try your mouth in m4m.

Maybe a good question for the discussion forums?

2. They don't make sense (and they may be in the wrong section).

Try Missed Connections?

3. They follow a pattern.

First off, I wasn't aware my "advert" was so "fresh".

Secondly, keep your hairy hands off of Dharma and Greg.

That show is sacred.

Let's take a moment to introduce another fake post. It was inspired by another douche bag, a musician by the name of John Mayer. A few years back he was interviewed by Playboy and asked, "Do black women throw themselves at you?" Instead of actually answering the question he said he doesn't think he's open to it and then compared his dick to a white supremacist. The producer took exception to the original lyrics of one of his first hits: "Your body is a wonderland... unless you're black."

Here's (to) Johnny!

I want to take this opportunity to point out a couple of things. One: I'm especially proud of my best typo to date: "passed". Thank you. Two: I showed this one to my roommate and he didn't laugh. I got scared for a second and thought maybe he was offended since he's Filipino. "I've actually seen this before." Oh, great! Now I appear racist and I'm unoriginal. "No, it was on Reddit." Apparently it was tagged under the meme "I Don't Want to Live on This Planet Anymore." Yea, I'm famous. Kind of.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program, "How to Catch a Predat—er—Fake Craigslist Response".

4. They use the word "movie" too much.